I wannas sexs uuuuu
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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