so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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