well most of my day revolves around power hour
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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