are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
