Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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