i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
