Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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