So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
