i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
What a dumb baby whore.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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