sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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