so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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