So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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