Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
