How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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