i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
