when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
