A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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