Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
