Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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