i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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