I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
