I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
