not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's never too late to be topless.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize