I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
