I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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