I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
