My underwear smells like fireworks.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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