if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
