Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize