the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
