We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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