We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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