i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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