i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Farmville is her only friend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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