My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
