how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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