He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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