so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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