I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
