Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
