that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
