I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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