I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
