Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
