Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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