I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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