I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
