It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
