Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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