This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
