The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
