Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
