i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
