Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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