i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
