Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
