So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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