census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
