i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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