Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
