it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
