I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
