wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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