You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
