I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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