She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
