her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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