Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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