you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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